Strategies for Alleviating Enmeshed Relationship Dependency
Having trouble figuring out if you're codependent in your relationships? Sick of the drama and one-sidedness that comes with it?
As a creative arts therapist with oodles of experience helping people, I've come to learn a thing or two about codependency. From today, I'll walk you through the steps to smash codependency in your relationships. Let's roll!
What's your attachment style, baby?
Take the quiz!
Codependency Unpacked
Codependency first made an appearance on the scene in the 1950s, back when it was researched in the spouses of alcoholics. But these days, codependency is a learning thing that sucks at giving your relationships the good life. Maintaining unhealthy relationships, ignoring boundaries, and needing constant validation are all telltale signs of a codependent partner.
Codependents find themselves trapped in emotionally destructive, one-sided, or abusive relationships - and often these behaviors are learned from observing their peeps back home.
If you're codependent, you might struggle with low self-esteem and seek external validation to feel good about yourself. You may struggle with addictions or find it tough to just be you.
Here are some codependent personality traits to look out for:
- Confusing love and pity
- A sense of responsibility for others' actions
- Doing more than your fair share (all the polite sighs in the world, friend)
- Feeling hurt when you don’t get recognized for your hard work
- Unhealthy reliance on others
- Insatiable need for approval and recognition
- Problems with boundaries and intimacy
Codependent Relationships Decoded
Codependent relationships involve two players - the caretaker and the dependent.
The caretaker, or "the codependent," adopts a habit of prioritizing their partner's wellbeing and happiness ahead of their own until they can't see their own worth without this person. Codependents can be drawn to toxic, challenging individuals they feel the need to "save," never fully motivated by love but by an unconscious drive to fix and prove themselves worthy.
The dependent party often comes with a grab bag of low self-esteem, self-doubt, and feelings of worthlessness. They may recreate the chaos from their childhood in their relationships.
Both parties rely on the codependent relationship to validate their identities and keep themselves emotionally afloat. Codependents crave emotional closeness, while dependents need constant reassurance.
Caretaker and Dependent in Action
Meet Mary, our self-sacrificing caretaker. This cisgender nurse prioritizes her partner's needs, passionately vests herself in "challenging" relationships, and feels the need to prove herself worthy. Consequently, she finds herself taken for granted, unable to commit, and hard on herself if the relationship ends.
John, our sensitive dependent, is drawn to his rescuing partner Jenny. Their dynamic kicks into action as soon as he starts to feel threatened or needs help, and Jenny sweeps in, one-upping him and pooh-poohing his emotions. This makes John feel shamed, condescended, yet ironically more liked when he tags along on Jenny's social events.
Spotting Codependent Relationships
Here are some telltale signs of a codependent relationship:
- Smothering people-pleasing
- Lousy boundary-setting
- Low self-esteem/lack of self-worth
- Reactivity/defensiveness
- Poor communication
Time to break the chains of codependency! You deserve better, darling!
Wanna know more? Check out this quiz and learn about your attachment style!
Attachment Styles and Codependent Relationships
Attachment styles are based on their development from childhood and offer us insights into how we relate to others in romantic relationships. They encompass four instinctual blueprints:
- Anxious Attachment: These folks crave emotional closeness.
- Avoidant Attachment: The Rolling Stones who want space and control.
- Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: These "Spice of Lifers" experience a fear of closeness yet crave it too.
- Secure Attachment: These folks are at ease in relationships, balancing emotional intimacy and independence.
Understanding your attachment style's influence on your relationship dynamics is game-changing. The caretaker or rescuer role in codependent relationships is often associated with anxious attachment, or the "Open Hearts" category. But don't be fooled; avoidant attachers can also slip into the role of caretaker.
Now that you've got a better understanding of codependency and attachment styles, it's time to focus on healing your attachment wounds and finally enjoying good relationships!
Healing Your Insecure Attachment & Overcoming Codependency in Relationships
Recognizing how your attachment style impacts your thoughts and behaviors is essential. By healing attachment wounds, you can amplify your attractive energy, improve your self-confidence, and embrace your vitality as you appear in your relationships - even during tough situations.
Healing your attachment wounds will help cultivate:
- Greater self-awareness
- Clear boundaries (say goodbye to boundary creep!)
- Increased confidence
- Articulate needs
- Emotional intimacy without jealousy or fear
- And the list goes on!
But, remember, finding a partner won’t snatch codependency away overnight. Use these insights to transform your dynamic with your current partner!
Time to get healed and start living your best life - with or without a love interest!
The Journey to Overcoming Codependency: A Grounding Exercise
One powerful way to get over codependency is through body activation, artistic expression, and cognitive reframing. Today, I'll walk you step-by-step through an artistic exercise to boost your feelings of self-security!
Why an Arts-Based Exercise?
If you're struggling with attachment wounding, you might not have been provided with an optimal environment to recognize your feelings and emotions. Learning to connect with your internal space is crucial in overcoming codependency, and art can help because it’s all about communication on a symbolic level!
Are you ready to dive in? Let's begin!
The Six-Step Process
This six-step exercise will help you get in touch with your internal feelings and increase your self-security. You'll need some paper and colored pencils for this one. Let's get started!
Step 1:
Take a deep breath. Acknowledge the inquiry, tension, or unsettled emotion you feel within yourself. Imagine dropping that sensation into your body.
Choose a color that resonates with you for this emotion. Don’t stress too much about finding the right color - your subconscious will guide you.
Step 2:
Assign a shape to your drawing that represents your chosen color. This can be whatever you feel drawn to - a square, circle, or scribble. Follow your intuition!
Step 3:
Think about your inquiry. What might be a line that goes along with it - traditional, wavy, jagged, etc.? It’s all up to you! Visualize this line and pick a new color for it.
Step 4:
Look at your drawing. How does it tally with your body? Is it taking up a large or small space? Draw the rest of your body around it to set it in context.
Step 5:
If your drawing had a sound, what would it be? Musical sounds, such as violins, or a quiet rustling in the trees? Write down the sounds that come to mind.
Step 6:
Lastly, imagine how your drawing would move. Is it graceful, sharp, or chaotic? Name the movement that comes to mind and write it down.
Building Awareness Through Art
Now, assign emotion words or descriptive adjectives to each of these steps (color, shape, line, composition, sound, and movement.) Congrats! You’ve laid the foundation for understanding your intimate layers and connecting more deeply with others.
Moving forward, embrace self-compassion and willingness when practicing this exercise. Your healing journey is an adventure, and it won't happen overnight - but you're on the right path to overcoming codependency.
So, are you ready to take the first step toward healing and living your best life? Make sure to take our attachment style quiz to learn more about YOUR attachment style!
References:
1. Daniella Batista, Codependency vs. Interdependency: What Are the Differences?
2. Terry Real, How to Heal Codependency 3. Codependent Relationships: Symptoms, Complications & Treatment
4. How Codependency Develops
5. Attachment Styles & Intimacy
6. Do You Have an Attachment Style?
- To begin, take a quiz to explore your attachment style and gain insights into your romantic relationships.
- Codependency, rooted in the 1950s, is no longer limited to a specific demographic but affects many individuals, negatively impacting the quality of their relationships.
- Signs of a codependent partner include maintaining unhealthy relationships, ignoring boundaries, and needing constant validation.
- In codependent relationships, both partners rely on each other for validation and emotional support, often resulting in unhealthy reliance and poor communication.
- Understanding your attachment style is crucial for overcoming attachment wounds and cultivating self-awareness, clear boundaries, and increased confidence.
- Artistic expression, such as journaling, painting, or drawing, can help individuals connect with their internal feelings and promote emotional healing.
- Cognitive reframing and developing self-compassion are essential components of the journey towards overcoming codependency and embracing personal growth.
- Science, health-and-wellness, and mental-health communities emphasize the importance of mental health education-and-self-development in fostering healthy relationships and personal growth.
- Lifestyle choices, including maintaining healthy boundaries and engagement in activities that promote emotional well-being, can have a significant impact on overcoming codependency and promoting emotional healing.
- Shame, often experienced by codependents, can be addressed through therapy, education, and building a support system that encourages personal growth and emotional healing.
