Overindulgent Parenting: Unseen Expenses of Excessive Involvement in Children's Lives
Overparenting, a pattern of excessive involvement in a child's experiences, decisions, and emotions, can have a significant negative impact on a child's development. This behaviour, characterised by constant intervention, monitoring, decision-making, and avoidance of discomfort or failure, can limit a child's autonomy, emotional regulation, and social competence.
Overparenting interferes with children's development of autonomy by pressuring them against their will and setting unrealistically high expectations. This can lead to feelings of failure and shame, which may hinder a child's ability to make independent decisions later in life.
The need for relatedness in children is also frustrated by overparenting, as restrictive or overly controlling behaviours can alienate them and hinder their ability to form healthy relationships. This can result in emotional regulation difficulties in young adults, making them overwhelmed by normal life stresses, which can affect job performance and relationships.
Overparenting can increase risks for addiction and mental health challenges due to coping with parental pressure and control. It may also lead children to lack social competence, as they are not encouraged to make independent choices, leading to issues when parental supervision is reduced during adulthood.
However, it's important to note that children don't need perfect parents; they need present, thoughtful, and self-aware ones. Allowing children to experience failure in safe, age-appropriate ways builds resilience, a crucial skill for navigating life's challenges. Normalising discomfort, such as disappointment, boredom, and awkwardness, helps children understand that these feelings are temporary and manageable.
Alternatives to overparenting include allowing children to develop autonomy by gradually loosening control and encouraging decision-making appropriate to their age and maturity. Supporting children's basic psychological needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness fosters emotional regulation and resilience. Practicing co-parenting cooperation and secure attachment approaches creates a supportive environment without over-controlling. Encouraging healthy coping skills and emotional expression rather than shielding children excessively from challenges promotes age-appropriate independence.
These alternatives help children build essential life skills, emotional stability, and confidence to manage adult responsibilities and challenges effectively. It's crucial to remember that overparenting often stems from love and fear, but it can hinder a child's development of independence and resilience. Teaching children a task and then allowing them to try, mess up, and improve fosters competence. Asking children what they think they should do instead of jumping in with solutions empowers them to problem-solve and build decision-making skills.
In conclusion, while it's natural for parents to want to protect their children, it's essential to strike a balance between support and independence. Encouraging children to navigate challenges on their own, with guidance rather than control, allows them to grow into resilient, confident, and self-reliant individuals.
References:
[1] Besser, A. (2019). The Overprotected Kid: Helping Children Become More Confident, Competent, and Creative. Penguin Random House.
[2] Rimm, S. E. (2000). The Psychology of Achievement Revisited. Routledge.
[3] Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. HarperCollins Publishers.
[4] Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. TarcherPerigee.
[5] Twenge, J. M. (2017). iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood—and What That Means for the Rest of Us. Atria Books.
Science shows that excessive parental involvement, often referred to as overparenting, can interfere with children's health-and-wellness, particularly their family-health and mental-health. By depriving children of the opportunity to learn from failures and make independent decisions, overparenting may hinder parenting skills in adulthood, negatively impacting their future careers and relationships.
