Managing Thoughts and Achieving Tranquility: A Guide for Fathers Navigating Turbulent Emotions
Semimindful Dude's Guide to Calmer Thoughts and Stressless Living 🧘♂️
Life has a way of piling up troubles and making us question ourselves. A busted garbage disposal, kids leaving open garage doors, burst pipes - these joys can keep us tossing and turning at night, worrying about our finances or past mistakes. Thoughts become loud and unruly, running amok in our minds, causing us to lose our cool and push our loved ones away. But it doesn't have to be that way, my friend. It's time to mute those mental chatterboxes and gain control of your life. Here's how:
This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
CNN: What's the damage of men overthinking life's little quirks?
Dr. Jett Stone: It can lead to stress, causing rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, and headaches. Or you might feel something else. Each person has different physical reactions. The key to catching overthinking is recognizing how your body feels. Pay attention to those bodily sensations, bro. Sometimes it's easier to address bodily symptoms than to dive into the murky waters of your mind.
CNN: So, why do we bloke's get stuck in our heads so often? What can we do to knock it off this mental carousel?
Stone: Fellas are being asked to take on more responsibility at home these days, what with emotional labor and cognitive load. Emotional labor means handling the emotional needs of your brood, and cognitive load involves tackling the mental tasks that come with parenting, like organizing schedules and making sure everyone's fed, clothed, and bathed on time. Modern fatherhood is mentally taxing and can make our thoughts feel like a cluttered mess.
The first step is acknowledging and admitting when you're overthinking. Own it! It's incredibly powerful, like lifting a weight off your shoulders. Once you do, try to understand what triggers those mental loops for you. Are you stressing about whether you spend enough quality time with the kids? Did you react too harshly in a situation? Are you concerned about providing for your family? Figure out what pushes your buttons and use that insight to make positive changes.
When you notice those unwanted mental loops starting, take a deep breath and do a quick breathing routine called a cyclic sigh. It goes like this: inhale twice, hold it, and then let it out super slow. Combine it with a mindfulness technique called a body scan. Focus on each body part and notice any tension, whether it's in your shoulders, forearms, or elsewhere. Breathe into that tension, tense it up, and release it. It'll help you relax and regain control.
CNN: How do we map our thoughts and what benefits does that bring?
Stone: Mapping is like plotting your thought patterns. Notice what sets your mind spinning and trace its path through themes. For example, let's say your boss critiques your work in a meeting and suddenly you're in an endless loop of doubts and fears about your job and financial security. Mapping your thoughts can help you recognize common categories of overthinking and find patterns. It won't stop the loops entirely, but it can help you understand your thought processes better and break them more easily.
CNN: Instead of fretting about life, you propose we focus on our deeper drives. What in tarnation are those, and how do we find 'em?
Stone: Deeper drives are fundamental human needs like belonging, connection, competence, and the desire to be accepted by others. You might find yourself yearning for these things, but not quite knowing why. Contemplate your desires and ask yourself what you're seeking. Is it a sense of belonging and connection? Are you missing a sense of purpose in life? Identifying unmet drives can bring clarity and help you live a more fulfilling life. It might involve having some deep, honest conversations with yourself, friends, or a therapist.
CNN: Gratitude and kindness can help quiet the mind, correct? How can we embrace those virtues, and what are the juicy health benefits?
Stone: Instead of dwelling on your problems, focus on positive thoughts and acts of kindness. It'll expand your field of vision and help you break free from that self-referential thinking. Showing gratitude can be as simple as sending a thank-you text or calling your mom to tell her you love her. A gratitude journal can also be helpful. Just jot down a couple of things you're thankful for each morning to help you stay grounded and focused on the positive in life.
CNN: How can we control our anger instead of lashing out at loved ones, friends, or ourselves?
Stone: Anger can be overwhelming, but taking a second to breathe can help you take back control and respond more effectively. When you notice yourself getting angry, pause and take a deep breath. Ask yourself, "What do I want from this situation? What are my goals?" It can help you redirect your anger into productive channels rather than exploding. Pay attention to the feelings beneath your anger, too. Are you afraid of not being able to provide for your family? Are you feeling ashamed or insecure? Recognizing these emotions can help you understand what's really driving your anger and make it easier to manage.
CNN: Alright, what do we do when the man we want to be conflicts with the man we present to the world?
Stone: It's okay to have different sides to yourself, and it's essential to accept that. The important thing is to strive for balance, maintaining a level of self-awareness so you can align your actions with your values. Don't try to be someone you're not, but take a good look at yourself and make an effort to become the best version of yourself, for yourself and the ones you love.
Shannon Carpenter is a writer, author of the book "The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad" and married father of three.
Useful Techniques for a Tranquil Mind
- Breathing Exercises: Box breathing, 4-7-8 breathing, and diaphragmatic breathing can help you relax and reduce stress[1][5].
- Cognitive Shuffling: Engage your brain in thinking about neutral objects or scenes to help distract from overthinking[1].
- Meditation and Mindfulness: Regular meditation helps focus the mind and reduce stress levels. Even short sessions of five to ten minutes can be beneficial[4][2].
- Visual Calming Techniques: Watching fish swim can help provide a calming distraction and reduce stress[1].
[1] HelpGuide.org, [2] VeryWellMind.com, [3] Mayo Clinic, [4] PsychCentral.com, [5] Harvard Health Blog.
Enrich your mental journey with these extra tips for managing stress:
- Reduce Caffeine Intake: Lowering caffeine consumption can help decrease anxiety and stress levels[3].
- Body Scanning: Relaxing each body part through mindfulness can help release tension[2].
- Yoga and Physical Exercise: Regular physical activity can help reduce stress and improve mental well-being[2].
- Limit Exposure to Stressors: Identify and limit exposure to sources of stress in your environment[3].
- Incorporating wellness practices into the workplace can lead to improved mental health, less stress, and increased productivity in employees. This concept is known as workplace-wellness.
- For fathers, it's crucial to prioritize family health and mental health, and finding time for fitness and exercise can help maintain a healthy balance.
- Acknowledging and admitting overthinking is the first step to managing it. This realization is akin to lifting a weight off one's shoulders, bringing a sense of control and clarity.
- Science has shown that mindfulness techniques are beneficial for mental health, including breathing exercises and meditation. These practices can help quiet the mind and reduce stress levels.
- The art of mapping thought patterns can help identify common triggers and categories of overthinking, making it easier to recognize and manage these mental loops.
- Recognizing and addressing physical symptoms of stress, such as a rapid heartbeat or headaches, can sometimes be a more manageable way of addressing overthinking than diving into the mind.
- During moments of anger, taking a deep breath and focusing on positive thoughts and actions can help regain control and redirect anger into productive channels. Practicing gratitude and kindness can also contribute to a calmer mind and better emotional health.
